Here is my first micro blog.
Here is my first published micro blog. Or writing in general. I hope you like it. Please like it. Not like Facebook "like it," however... that would help... or sharing... that would help too. But, I just genuinely hope you enjoy it. Because I REALLY enjoyed writing it! In this blog post you will find my stream of consciousness and key elements to our brand.
It's been a long time coming. I know you've been waiting. I get your messages of support and encouragement. I want you to know that I couldn't have done it without you. I want you to know that starting a business has been the scariest and most rewarding thing I've ever done. I want you to know that I'm an entrepreneur. That I have lots of pain, that I'm imperfect. Like, how many times I'm trying to type Entrepreneur and I still can't spell it right. Jesus spell check, just help me out.
I want you to know that right now, PTSD is a part of my life. That being bold and courageous are two beautiful parts of my personality and I get debilitated for weeks when I have a flash back from a traumatic experience. I want you to know that I read your email, I read your facebook message. I got your text. I want to respond so badly, but my fear of being punished for saying the wrong thing, that I'm not lovable...that I'm not enough... is very self defeating right now. It keeps me from responding.
But the key is: right now. I want you to know that I'm resilient. That I will make it through. Even though sometimes I'm plagued by depressed thoughts and suicidal ideations. I will make it through. The thing is, I truly need your help.
Here is how you can help me. Come sit with me. Get under the covers with me if I invite you to. Let me rest my head on your shoulder. For the love of god, please cook me dinner because I keep forgetting to do it myself. And more importantly, ask me about my feelings. Just listen, hold space for me so I know I'm not alone. And when I'm done venting about something that might be very devastating to hear, ask me to "tell you more about that."
I want you to know that my single most desire and life purpose is to leave the earth knowing that I improved sex education. That I helped you understand your own sexuality. That I helped you have so much respect for yourself that it is overflowing that you pass it on to generations to come. And by respect for your self, I want you to respect your transgressions. We all are dirty kinky people. And thats fucking beautiful. We are both fluid and safe. We can be both secure and take risks.
We can cry and have a shity day at work, a shity boss, and go home ... and have a lot fun with your lover(s) or to somewhere that arouses you... hopefully not on the subway... unless you are wearing a B-Vibe or something... side note: there are ways to play in public that aren't creepy AF and... disrespectful .... to the people around you. #nobodywantstoseeyourdick However... I do enjoy dick picks from certain people. And some people totally do enjoy dick pics when they ... here' the real kicker... ASK FOR THEM. or .... GIVE CONSENT to receive them. If you get off my showing people you cuming.... find other people who get off on that too.... by asking... to hopefully someone you have some report with... like a petite lover, thats what I call one night stands or friends I've had sex with once or twice... and be like
"Hey, I enjoy when you send me booty snaps, would it turn you on to see me cum via snap chat? And if they are like UMM HELL YEAH IM I JUST GOT SO WET/HARD. Then BOOM. Thats your cue to send a dick pic.
If however, they are like um no get away from me creep never text me again. Take that moment of stimulus and shity rejection, and grieve. Because it totally sucks opening up to someone about your sexuality and being shut down. It genuinely does hurt. I can't count how many times that's happened to me. Take that time to do a little coping mechanism... or say some positive affirmations, that it's okay to want someone to watch you cum. That you will find someone eventually, or multiple people eventually, who are into that. And respond politely, to them and say,
"No Worries! Thank you for your response, I wanted to make sure I respect your choice :)"
And then at least you can still maintain a positive report or relationship with that person and never have any icky feelings between you two. Or maybe they might distance themselves because they might have personal stuff in their life that is none of our business to ask them further about it at this point.
If you are catching my drift, I care about teaching us how to better respect one another. That we are sexual beings and being sexual is empowering, enriching, stress relieving and filled with a lot of orgasms and FUCK YESSSes (i.e enthusiastic consent.)
Photography by SpiderMeka, One of my ALL time favorite people.